LBP Union's Response to the Enhanced Individual Crisis

This document is satire. This article is mainly for the purpose of having people laugh at something in light of April Fools Day. All elements such as characters, events ,films, and more belong to their respective owners.

Prelude

“We are aware there has been criticism regarding our team prioritizing Lighthouse more than the enhanced individuals that have constantly been causing damage to the world. This is a criminal injustice. Unfortunately, due to the tight schedule I have, I don’t have the time nor resources to discuss this situation."

"So, in my place, I have hired an aspiring writer, Tile Denial, here to talk about a list of topics I wanted to speak of in this report. I have lost a lot of time focusing on Lighthouse, but I can assure people that once I clear everything up, I will take actions on the enhanced beings, which I am considering doing for the sake of protecting the world.”

- Michael Youngling, Lead Protector of the LBP Union.

Introduction

This is Tile Denial taking over the document for Michael Double-Eight Youngling. So, I’m pretty convinced no-one reading is interested in viewing a very serious and depressing article, especially after the long speech from Michael above. So, for the sake of avoiding all of that, I am going to use my goofy ahh damaged brain to lighten things up. If you’re going to complain about me not taking this article seriously, I mean, come on. It’s April Fools Day, people. Be happy that I’m at least trying my best, and putting effort into this. (Unlike the very disturbing and unfunny She-Hulk show on Disney+)

Anyways, you’re probably wondering, “Why did Michael hire this clown straight from a Dr. Seuss cartoon and not Thaddeus T. Thaddeus like last year?”. Unfortunately, it’s a long story. You see, apparently, Thaddeus was sued by Differ, because he kept continuing to use his name in his business, despite having previously been told to take it down.

Differ threatened he would send Thaddeus to court if he took over a month to change the name, and that’s how Thaddeus ended up going to Germany to partake in a trial against Differ. Michael assisted Thaddeus as his lawyer, but despite Michael’s efforts, he lost. What a shocker. Thaddeus was ruled guilty, and was forced to change his business’s name to TheDaily[REDACTED].net. He didn’t really have many options for a new one, since for someone who’s been in the news business for about 20 years, all the good names have been taken.

Nowadays, Thaddeus is still functioning, but one can’t deny that his audience has… decreased, because of the generic new name. Whatever, he’s like, 60-something years old, I’m betting money he’ll either die or retire in 2025.