This document is satire. This article is mainly for the purpose of having people laugh at something in light of April Fools Day. All elements such as characters, events, films, and more belong to their respective owners.
“We are aware there has been criticism regarding our team prioritizing Lighthouse more than the enhanced individuals that have constantly been causing damage to the world. This is a criminal injustice. Unfortunately, due to the tight schedule I have, I don’t have the time nor resources to discuss this situation.”
“So, in my place, I have hired an aspiring writer, Tile Denial, here to talk about a list of topics I wanted to speak of in this report. I have lost a lot of time focusing on Lighthouse, but I can assure people that once I clear everything up, I will take actions on the enhanced beings, which I am considering doing for the sake of protecting the world.”
– Michael Youngling, Lead Protector of the LBP Union.
This is Tile Denial taking over the document for Michael Double-Eight Youngling. So, I’m pretty convinced no-one reading is interested in viewing a very serious and depressing article, especially after the long speech from Michael above. So, for the sake of avoiding all of that, I am going to use my goofy ahh damaged brain to lighten things up. If you’re going to complain about me not taking this article seriously, I mean, come on. It’s April Fools Day, people. Be happy that I’m at least trying my best, and putting effort into this. (Unlike the very disturbing and unfunny She-Hulk show on Disney+)
Anyways, you’re probably wondering, “Why did Michael hire this clown straight from a Dr. Seuss cartoon and not Thaddeus T. Thaddeus like last year?”. Unfortunately, it’s a long story. You see, apparently, Thaddeus was sued by Differ, because he kept continuing to use his name in his business, despite having previously been told to take it down.
Differ threatened he would send Thaddeus to court if he took over a month to change the name, and that’s how Thaddeus ended up going to Germany to partake in a trial against Differ. Michael assisted Thaddeus as his lawyer, but despite Michael’s efforts, he lost. What a shocker. Thaddeus was ruled guilty, and was forced to change his business’s name to TheDaily[REDACTED].net. He didn’t really have many options for a new one, since for someone who’s been in the news business for about 20 years, all the good names have been taken.
Nowadays, Thaddeus is still functioning, but one can’t deny that his audience has… decreased, because of the generic new name. Whatever, he’s like, 60-something years old, I’m betting money he’ll either die or retire in 2025.
Anyways, it’s time to get back on track. How I ended up being the poor soul- I mean, the lucky guy to write this article, it all began when I was released from the Ministry of Technology’s aquatic prison, also known as the Lockbox. G- get it? Get it!?
(Yes, I went to prison, only because I said some things to Michael that I shouldn’t have. I don’t wanna go into detail, but basically, I was manipulated by propaganda and that’s how I ended up in prison for a total of two weeks. I’m just as surprised as you are.)
Putting my criminal acts aside, when I was released from the prison and was scheduled to head home, I was approached by Michael. Despite the two of us being at each other’s throats two weeks ago, we immediately became the best of friends again.
(Totally not an over exaggeration)
Michael then reminded me that I still had writer privileges on the LBP Union’s Official Website. During my days in prison, I didn’t even remember being given writer privileges in the first place, and if I did, I could’ve written an entire 260-page long document of my experience in prison. The guy in the cell next to mine was pretty weird, that’s for sure.
Anyways, I think it’s time to really deep dive into this so-called “apocalypse” that has been described as an “enhanced individual crisis”. Apparently, for some reason, ever since last year, the numbers of people with superhuman powers inhabiting Earth have been increasing month after month, and multiple of them have begun to make public appearances, only to cause damage to society. If you think that sounds strange and unusual, well let me tell you that I literally witnessed a vampire at my local movie theater months ago.
It’s ironic I’m talking about this clown now, exactly one year after his *unsuccessful* movie was released.
Unfortunately, this goofy vampire was just icing on the cake made up of a bunch of enhanced beings who only exist to destroy the nearest building next to them for depressing reasons that probably involve dead parents.
Thankfully, Michael has been developing a solution, on and off at times. However, Michael has been neglecting these legal documents for quite a while now. The reason Michael created these documents is because of an incident that happened last year, where about 64 people died on the same day, on a continent known as Goiky. The person responsible was Marcus Fletcher, whose ashes were found by the MOT and swept up with a broom and dustpan.
Michael learnt of how there were too many enhanced individuals there at the time, and how they all ended up killing each other. Wanting to take action and prevent more death and blood and gore involving superhumans, Michael decided to create the Yoyleland Accords to control the enhanced individuals’ actions.
The Yoyleland Accords
What are the Yoyleland Accords? They’re basically like the Sokovia Accords from the MCU, but much more efficient. Michael needs at least 200 signatures from 200 random nations in order for it to be legalized, but he doesn’t seem to be worried about activating it nowadays as much as before, so the document is pretty much gathering dust on his desk right now.
For the sake of preparing in case Michael does initiate the Accords, here’s a list of the Accords’ current regulations:
(Totally not stolen from the MCU Wiki and altered in any way.)
- Any enhanced individuals who agree to sign must register with the LBP Union and provide information and data.
- Those with secret identities must reveal their legal names and true identities to the LBP Union.
- Those with innate powers must submit to a power analysis, which will categorize their threat level and determine potential health risks. They must also wear tracking devices at all times.
- Any enhanced individuals who sign are prohibited from taking action in any country other than their own unless they are first given clearance by either that country’s government or by a member of the LBP Union.
- Any enhanced individuals who do not sign will not be allowed to take part in any police, military, or espionage activities, or to otherwise participate in any national or international conflict, even in their own country. They will not be allowed to participate in any active missions undertaken by private organizations, such as The Incredible Crew.
- If an enhanced individual violates the Accords, they will be detained indefinitely without trial.
- Any enhanced individuals who use their powers to break the law (including those who take part in extralegal vigilante activities), or are otherwise deemed to be a threat to the safety of the general public, may be detained on the Lockbox indefinitely without trial.
- Any enhanced individuals who attempt to manipulate the general public into turning against the LBP Union, they will be imprisoned on the Lockbox for 18 months, before being executed, depending on their level of threat.
- The use of technology to bestow individuals with innate superhuman capabilities is strictly regulated, as is the use and distribution of highly advanced technology (such as Techmaster Protocol weaponry, which is strictly in ownership of Ministry of Technology members only).
- For the sake of preventing “The Mitchells vs. the Machines”, the creation of self-aware artificial intelligence (without the approval of the LBP Union beforehand) is completely prohibited.
- Any collaborations with Val Franklin will result in immediate violation of the Accords upon discovery, and have the violator sent to the Lockbox without trial.
- All violators who are sentenced to the Lockbox must turn in the sources to their superpowers over to the MOT staff upon arrival. Those that have their powers part of their biology will either be sent to a cell capable of withstanding their powers, or have them infinitely extracted, depending on the threat level.
- Dr. Zeon is prohibited from destroying the sun.
- The Incredible Crew will no longer be a private organization and will operate under the supervision of the LBP Union. Any legal troubles that TIC gets into will immediately violate the Accords and have all participating members sent to the Lockbox without trial.
“For the purposes of the Accords, an “enhanced individual” is defined as any person, human or otherwise, with superhuman capabilities. This includes individuals whose powers are an innate function of their biology as well as individuals who utilize highly advanced technology to grant themselves superhuman capabilities. All members of The Incredible Crew are subject to the same conditions as enhanced individuals, even if they are not enhanced themselves.”
– Page 23 of the Yoyleland Accords
So, yeah. If, for any reason, Michael believes it to be the last straw for the enhanced individuals, he’s going to initiate the Yoyleland Accords, affecting the lives of countless enhanced beings. These legal documents could potentially end up screwing with people like JSP as well, due to their insane superpowers.
The Ministry of Technology’s Office contains a bulletin board with pictures of several people and scientists who will be on the brink of violating the Accords for the abilities they have and the scientific works they have made, if the Accords are to be legalized. The same applies to those who are already deceased. Don’t ask how, guess Michael’s paranoid that they’ll come back to life or somethin’.
*Please note that not all characters displayed are enhanced beings, but are wanted by the Ministry of Technology for other criminal acts.*
I think it’s time we wrapped things up here. I want to take my final moments to thank you all for reading and becoming aware of what Michael Youngling is planning to do in case there are any terrifying actions that’ll persuade him to initiate the Yoyleland Accords for the better of the world. I know it feels very weird with me in Michael’s position as the writer of this article, especially on April 1st, but to be honest, I know that he’ll smile and see this as my bittersweet attempt to make up for those… “things” I said.
I hope I get the opportunity to write another article for the LBP Union one day. But for now, I am signing off and going back to the land down under to return to my “totally normal” life among “totally normal” people. No, really… they’re not normal.
I sure hope you all enjoyed reading this dumb article. Now GO PLAY MY LEVELS ON PROJECT LIGHTHOUSE, GO PLAY THEM RIGHT NOW-
Written by Tile Denial.